Twas the night before...

T’was the night before face-off and all through the rink,
JD, Rhett, and Andy were all starting to drink;

The Ale House cups got filled by Erin with care,
In hopes that no more goalies soon would be there;

Gracie, the little pucker, was nestled all snug in her bed,
Whiles visions of game winning goals danced in her head.
And Rose with her cocoa and I with my rolled hat,
Had just settled down for a phat winters nap.
When across the fairgrounds there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bench to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a puck,
Tore open the gate and shouted "What the heck".
The moon shone on the ice and goons in the snow,
It was a picture of hockey with all objects in tow.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a black zamboni sleigh and eight fat white tail deer,
With a crippled driver, so lively and hammy,
I knew in a moment it must be Rachel on the Zammi.

Faster n Marty, her giant leg brace it came,
As she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“On Alan! On Walt! Hey Uno and Jerry! On Zach! On Max! Wheres Weeda? and Hey Mary!
To the top of boards! To the top of the wall!
Now skate away! Skate away! Skate away all!”

Thousands of new pucks fell from Rachel's sleigh it started to fly,
She soared over the ice and into the sky.
So up to the rink top courses they flew,
With the sleigh full of score books, sticks, oh, and the rink phone too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard by the main gate,
The prancing and prowling of little elf skates.

So I drew in my goal glove, and was turning around,
When down the chimney she came with a bound!
She was dressed in EMT gear from her head down to her cane,
And her jersey was all tarnished with blood and smoke stains;
A pair of new skates she had flung on her back,
For the Dominican Daddy as she opened her pack.

A wink of her eye and a twist of her mug,
She spilled some of her eggnog on Euchie my dog;
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her task,
And slarfed down the milk and cookies quite fast.

Now laying her glove side finger against her pink nose,
She gave a big huff and up the rink chimney she rose;
She sprang to her black Zamboni Sleigh, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a puck or a missile.

I heard her yell as she Zammed out of sight,
A Hockey Christmas to all, and to all... a good-hockey-night.

How do I play hockey?

After months of harassing phone calls and threatening e-mails, my friend Berk decided to give the slippery side of life a try. "OK! I give in! Tell me Mr. Dominican Daddy, how do I play hockey?"
"Meet me at the rink and I'll show you." I said. Finally! I had the opportunity to catch a stick and puck session with him. As I took in a deep breathe to sigh my sigh of victory, I realized that my nose hairs were stuck together. The thermometer was stuck at -10. What a great day for hockey! I wonder if I should have told him to dress warm. Never mind. He will bring gloves for sure... I was just happy to set him up on a kickstand and let him wander with a puck. He is an exceptional athlete when it comes to turning wide right. I see great potential. At first he struggled a little with reverse. No big surprise. I know many people that have been trying reverse now for 2 seasons without success. Berkley is a quick study of hockey though. By the end of the session he could go from end to end backward and turn wide to the left. What can I say? He was coached by a goalie..."Knees bent! Head up! Get your glove up! Watch the angle. Butterfly Position!" I am not sure how much it helped, but at least he can skate backward now.

So the basic principle of hockey is simple. Hockey is a game played on ice in which two opposing teams of skaters, using curved sticks, try to drive a puck into the opponent's goal. It seems pretty simple and most should agree that this is what you do when you play hockey. But my friend Berk wanted to know how to play hockey. There are so many ways to play hockey. My suggestion would be either goalie, skater, fan, or referee. The nice thing about hockey is that hockey fits most anyone. Here are a few guide lines to help you decide how to pick your style of how to play:

The goalie job is pretty simple.


An incredibly short memory helps. Forget the last goal and play the here and now. Glove up, stick flat on the ice. Stop the puck. That is the Dominican Daddy's perspective anyway.


Skating on the other hand is a little different...


If you ask a skater how to play hockey, a likely response might be "Take the puck down to the other end of the ice. Protect the blue line and do whatever you have to do to get the puck in the net. Don't let the guy in all those sissy pads keep you from putting it in the net. Ignore him. Pretend he is not there. Shoot around him. He can't move with all those pads on..."



To be a fan takes great energy and time...




"Fans" are marked or motivated by an extreme, unreasoning enthusiasm for hockey. Fans can get a little emotional at times. No one loves hockey more. They are as much a part of the game as the player is. The fan knows more about hockey than the players, coaches and refs combined. The best fan sees every play and every missed call. They know all the rules that aren't even in the rule book yet. They know the best match ups and have the best advice for the players. All things considered though, I am not sure if I would really want to ask a fan how to play hockey.



Hopefully the referee would have the best advice when asked how to play hockey...



This advice comes from the best seat in the house. The referee skates up and down the ice, in and out of the game. If the ref sees a part of the game he does not like, he toots his whistle and they do it again until he does like it. A good ref does not care who wins or loses. They just love to help facilitate a great game of hockey. A good ref should probably advise you to play any way you want as long as its within the guidelines of the rules. One of the nice things about being a ref is the help you get from the peanut gallery. Its nice to know that someone far more educated on the rules of hockey and their application is always there to help the ref make a decision. Especially when the ref is not sure what to do.




So, that is the best info I could give Berkley on how to play hockey. For certain there is something for everyone in hockey. He may not be ready to go out and buy a pair of skates yet but there is time yet this season for another round. Next time will see if he likes a size 42 boot better, and I will bring an extra pair of gloves.

Spicin it up Dominican Style

After the exhibition game the other night I was at the Alehouse. Roll Call: The short fat kid was there munching on chicken wings and talking about how he was going to trespass on this guys property to shovel his pond so WE can have a winter classic. Next to JD was Zach who was pondering the likelihood of what JD was speaking into his ear. "We don't even have to call him. He won't care. Now about that 4 wheeler, those kegs, and that sump pump..." Zach just sat and sucked down suds from his "Dude Abides" mug that has paid for its self at least once. Liz had called down their beer so it would be ready when they got to the bar. She is an evil genius. So there I was... listening to Liz talk about how much fun she had at hockey tonight. She had some sort of move that went between her feet and ended up in the goal. It was a relaxed game and she scored a lot. Like 4 times or more. "... most fun I ever had on the ice" she says. About then I remembered that I was the goalie... I must admit that my purpose on the ice isn't always as clear until we talk about it at the Ale House after wards.
So for the 8 skaters, 6 bench warmers, and a red headed step child referee from "Gunni" (all whose only crime was coming to hockey that night) the Dominican Daddy treated his loyal fans with a rarely seen gesture by goalies. The Dominican Daddy spiced things up Dominican style. You may not know that the Dominican Republic is actually on a different planet and hockey is not the #1 sport. Actually the pride of all sports in the Dominican Republic is football. We call it soccer sometimes when we want to impress our American friends with our knowledge of sport. Anyhow, remember the header back in 1970 by Pele down in Mexico that started the best World Cup ever? Tonight the Dominican Daddy busted out with a little header action of his own. It's a move that he didn't have to practice. He just felt it. Twice... Two times he took snap shots and redirected the puck with a forehead fling over a pack of skaters all piled in the crease. With a precision not common to goalies he flipped it to a defender that could clear it. I guess in retrospect, his head was the only part of him that was not smart enough to get out of the way.
Anyway, go figure...

The Dominican Daddy

Who is the Dominican Daddy? You might think of the 6'4" 240 lb David Ortiz.


He is a Dominican Daddy for sure. Great with the stick but more consistant with a glove. The Dominican Daddy I am talking about is close to 30 years old, is 5'6", with no hair, a bad shoulder, and a slightly different sense of humor. He protects the pipes with his $10 goalie stick and his lightening fast short stop like glove. He plays in the rarely used but surprisingly entertaining "Dominican Style". The Dominican Style lends itself to the incredible Dominican shortstop influence such as Golden Glove winner Miguel Tejada, or Orlando Cabrerra.


The pipes he protects are home to the VJ's BBQ goon squad. The leader of the squad is a short fat kid who hates to be called short.



He is the inspiration for the Dominican Daddy. He F*C***G LOVES HOCKEY!!! His high octane offense is powered by two guys named Jeff. Young Skippy is atop the league in scores and can't be stopped. Jones is a VJ's veteran trained in the art of sharp shooting and intercepting the puck. Veteran skater, champion coach and statistics mastermind Andy stays at the top of the league in assists and scores. With him comes another power wing man. As the old man on the team John serves as a veteran player, local softball super hero, and Ale House gimmee.


In charge of keeping the puck as far from the Dominican Daddy as possible is the short fat kid. JD will do anything to keep it away from the Dominican Daddy. He skates right side up, upside down, forward, backward, and everything in between. He is heard from anywhere in the building citing the legendary Marty's "AWWW MAN! HOWD DAT GET IN NERE?!?!?" The goon we call Joanne is a ferocious protector of the blue line. She is one of the original skaters for VJ's. She is one of the most enthusiastic and reliable skaters VJ's has ever seen. A corner stone of the VJ's team. Rec. League coach and goalie extraordinaire, Leith is a notorious hockey junkie. He protects the Dominican Daddy with tenacity as he knows the Dominican style well and may not trust it...

So that is the VJS squad. The Dominican Daddy, his $10 stick, a golden glove, and a team of goons are all that we need to have a good time.